Yes, Comrade Instructor!

What an honor and respect, comrades, is to go to defend our long-suffering Motherland! What? How not the right word was said? Oh, excuse me, comrade instructor, we’ll change it now … Yes, for our happy and joyful Motherland! It is especially happy now, at this moment, when we see off our guys to the front, instead of the first batch … well, the one that has already partially returned … Partially means some in parts, some completely in personal packaging, some in substandard condition. We will correct the substandard ones – and they will go back. You, comrade instructor, don’t be upset, the plan for the gross shipment of raw materials … sorry, our heroic defenders, I wanted to say. Well, it, this, will be done and, if the authorities say, then it will be exceeded! What, we are greedy for the Motherland, or what? All the more here and fellow instructor suggests. As we say, “There is Putin – there is Russia!” And I will add, there is a Head of the Republic – there is a republic, there is a head of a district – there is a district, there is a head of a region – there is a region! Right, Comrade Instructor?

Here we all, as one, stand up to implement the instructions of our … joyful and cheerful Motherland. Right now, I have been instructed to support our defenders at distant frontiers, to write letters of gratitude to all of them, so that there is understanding – it’s not in vain that they freeze and get wet there … After all, the fact that they send a washing machine with a computer home is not the main thing! It goes without saying, it is the pride to strengthen the winner, to demonstrate in my native village that, they say, I am no worse than others, as they build the water supply, we are on the up and up, we can spin the linen in the washing machine, it was not in vain that we shed blood … What? Yes, yes, I understand, comrade instructor, so I say that this is not the main thing! The main thing is victory! Danazification and demilitvo… demleitvoriz… de-mili-tari-za-tion!!! What? Not relevant anymore? Who said: just to carry the legs? I didn’t say, comrade instructor, honestly, these are enemies. Spiteful critics!

Yes, work is underway with malicious whisperers, talkers and those who do not believe in victory, comrade instructor! We know that the enemy does not sleep and penetrates … Therefore, we are constantly on the alert! We have already reported that we have already stepped up the work of proxies in all organizations … Huh? Yes, I understand, I understand, I should not disclose! Events are also being held in schools, at About the most important things lessons children are advised to listen to conversations at home, inform class teachers about statements discrediting the Armed Forces, and in general about the mood of their parents. From an early age, so that schoolchildren were brought with patriotism and love for the Motherland. And in the secondary school No. 32 of our district, special incentive prizes named after Pavlik Morozov “Who reveals more hidden enemies in the family” have been established.

We also announced other useful patriotic initiatives, but the center did not approve for some reason. For example, economic assistance to widows “Husband for an hour” – they did not approve, they say, it sounds ambiguous. That men should all be at the front, otherwise everyone will ask for this job. We wanted to rename it to “Wife for an Hour”, but again, in the light of the recent Decree on Combating LGBT Propaganda, we did not dare, the center will definitely reject it. But we do not despair, we have many such ideas, and we can also support nationwide ones, if, of course, they are useful. But the neighbors in the republic also have stupid and unpatriotic projects. Some ill-conceived! Here, in a neighboring district, they suggested that responsible officials from regional authorities be sent to the front … I will say so directly, comrade instructor, we are exposing the front of the fight against enemies in the rear, this is sabotage of government decisions and weakening the organization of mobilization measures. If representatives of the local administration are driven into the trenches, then who will drive these sheep for mobilization? Yes, it’s my fault, I made a reservation, it’s me out of habit, we got used to this in the area: sheep and sheep. And they are our warriors, for whom we are wholeheartedly. We also try to help their families: some with funerals, some with searches for the body of a missing person… Some with firewood for free, some with hay, some with mutton… I’m talking about those sheep, about real ones… For some notarial services are preferential – to re-register a car … well, how to say, this one – prize, no, better – premium. Yes, to re-register for a new husband, he has a driver’s license, so  why should the car stand still. So to speak, two in one: both the car and the wife to start work.

And also traditions, I think, it is necessary to revive! Report? Report! As it used to be – a meeting in the club, a red table, a combine operator handed over a sheaf of new crop wheat to the chairman of the district council! Revive the cause! Immediately! The surviving chmobiks return to the village, solemnly presenting a bundle of St. George ribbons to the village council. On behalf of all the dead fellow villagers, we report and bring a gift – honorary military attributes. A brass band plays, everyone present applauds enthusiastically.  The local TV company films for distribution in rural schools during the lessons “About the most important things”. Is it bad, comrade instructor? You just tell us in which direction to move, we will organize everything, we know how to do it. And the people will do everything, they will do it for sure! They will endure everything and will cry “hurrah!”. Correctly, Joseph Vissarionovich said, “Thanks to the Russian people for their patience!”